If I am totally honest with myself, when I first started dabbling in photography, I was so eager to impress others and so caught up in the comparison trap, that I really hurt myself, I never thought I was good enough, there was always someone better, I drove myself insane trying to get that next great photo to make that next sale.
I am a highly motivated person, I am extremely driven and obsessive at what I do, when I find that passion, these are good qualities to have, but taken to the extreme they can be extremely detrimental to oneself.
I sold lots of work in the beginning, I have an art gallery in my work place, from all the canvases that they bought, I sold to friends, other clients and even a couple of businesses, but I wasn't really following my passion, in fact I don't think I even knew what that was.
I tried photographing people, but I just couldn't get it, I missed the mark so many times and let people down, got crushed, defeated and nearly gave up altogether.
I have always loved Nature and wildlife, but I tried to do more of what I thought would sell rather than do what I love ( BIG MISTAKE)!!!
It wasn't until New Years Day of 2017, when my external hard drive exploded, mid back up and I lost 32,500 photos, that I sat back stunned and realised that ultimately those photos mean nothing if I'm not doing what I love.
I didn't cry!!, I just sat back and gathered my thoughts, then walked away from the computer and broke the news to my husband, who was very surprised at my demeanour.
As I washed the dishes in the kitchen, I saw a vision in my head of a photo that I did not have, I felt like I needed to create it, it was such an urgent pull, so I ran upstairs and sat at my computer for a couple of hours trying to put this photo I had seen in my head together.
The result was this butterfly mixed with my abstract art that I had managed to save.
I got the photo printed and framed, it hangs above my computer to remind me that out of loss can come something beautiful, that it wasn't the end.
It was at that point that I gave up trying to impress everyone and become a somebody and be true to myself, do what my heart was screaming for me to do, which is Nature/Wildlife and Abstract Art, to let the real me come alive, that had been shut down for so many years.
When I stopped trying and just did what I felt led to do, what I was inspired to do, my photographic journey took on a whole new flavour, I create for myself, to bring me joy, in doing that my work has improved and is inspiring and impacting more lives than ever before.
I am a better person as I am happy, it's a win win.
Don't ever think you have to have it all together to achieve what you are looking for, don't ever compare yourself to others, you can never walk in another's shoes, you are the only you there can ever be, that's the person others need to see, not a try hard counterfeit.
I love Nature, I love artistic looks, I love photography, I have found a way to marry all 3 together and create my own work that makes my heart sing, makes me happy and that is all that matters; however, when you hear those words from friends on how something makes them feel, then that is gold!
I just can't get enough of this stuff, I have found my happy place that was in lock down from the past, I am free to be me and when that is uncovered that's when you are free to love yourself, free to love others unconditionally and free to love what you do.
Despite circumstances that happen in life, I can honestly say I am happy!!!!
Cheers
Carole
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